I Too Shall Pass
Content note: this story includes discussion of addiction and suicidal ideation.
I am agoraphobic, which is to say that since childhood it has sometimes felt difficult or impossible for me to leave my home or even my bedroom. While “agora” means marketplace and “phobia” means “fear,” the reality of modern life is that I can easily order anything I need from online sites, and rarely need to visit an actual marketplace — or an actual anything — in real life.
I am not sure this is an entirely good thing.
This level of digital convenience was not the case when I was living out most of the events chronicled in my first book, a memoir called Agorafabulous!: Dispatches from my Bedroom. It mainly recounts my life from childhood through my early twenties (it was published when I was 31 — I am now 42.5). One of the chapters is called “Bowls of Pee,” because at times I was so frightened to leave my bed that I resorted to pissing in bowls rather than going into the bathroom.
In some ways, I suppose life has gotten easier for us agoraphobic types, at least those of us with any disposable income and reliable access to the Internet. Groceries? Instacart, Amazon, etc.. Over-the-counter medications, home cleaning supplies, and quick meals? Doordash, Uber Eats, Seamless, etc.
